Maybe some day ...

I've been trying this keto diet out for a little over a month now. I really like it and feel awesome. I've lost about 14 lbs. and actually have energy. Weird. I've hit a plateau and I'm trying not to let my little brain convince me its not working and eat a bunch of crap. That's the usual cycle. Trying something different this time. Along with that I'm trying to work out consistently with a combination of yoga weight lifting and running. One problem: who has time for all that? 

For the past few years I've registered for the Las Vegas RNR half marathon with really good intentions of training for several months leading up to the race. Every year I do not do that. Not even a little. So here it is damn near October and my ass hasn't been running. Now I'm trying to get my shit together and do some running so the half marathon doesn't end in certain death. 

I'm one hell of a procrastinator. The race trainer is just one example. My college and grad school paper writing ritual included complaining about having to write another stupid paper, waiting until approximately 30 hours before its due, then cleaning my house, organizing something I've been meaning to for about a month, having a snack, finding the proper TV show to ignore, and finally writing the paper. There's TED talk on procrastination by Tim Urban that speaks to me on more levels that it probably should. It's hilarious, watch it if you haven't. But, I digress. 

One of the points of his TED talk is that when we have deadlines we eventually panic and get shit done. For things we don't have deadlines on we just kind of let them linger on existing in our minds and figure we will get to it some day. Without a deadline, someday keeps getting further and further away. I wonder how often I've missed out or just let things go to the way side letting them wait for this mythical some day. That type of thinking doesn't get anyone anywhere though. 

I mentioned doing yoga. Today's class focused a lot on staying in the present moment. That's all we have, the only place we can be. Sounds like some hippie dippy bullshit, right? Part of me wants to agree, but the rational therapist part says its one of the most important concepts to grasp. I fully admit I suck at this. The little anxious part of my brain says to worry about all the what if's, all the shit that hasn't happened but could and its not really ever good shit, I might add. The depressed part of my brain wants me to think about all the shit I've ever done wrong, screwed up, said wrong, and all the ways I've generally ruined my own life. My life is far from ruined or shitty but that's not what depression wants me to believe. Yes, this is exhausting.  

I'm rambling so I'll land the damn plane already. I'm bored and bordering on burned out on this therapist gig. I love my clients, I really do and on the days I actually get to do therapy I love that too. There's just all this other shit that goes along with it that just wears me down and detracts from the reason I am a therapist in the first place. When I get bored and burnt I start coming up with all the ideas of what on god's green earth I could possible do besides therapy and tend to come up short. Real estate? Bartending? Dog sitting? Work at the gym? Yoga teacher? Personal trainer? Uber Driver? Who the hell knows? In all reality I'd like to do some combination of these things, but that's  not super realistic. This is where the non existent deadline comes into play. I have a pretty sweet gig at work and don't really want to quit when you get right down to it, but I want to do more. There's no real deadline to add more, there's also not a lot of time, and I say maybe some day I'll do yoga teacher training. Maybe some day I'll work for myself and do this and that and not be tied to one thing. Maybe someday. The problem is someday doesn't happen until some external factor lights the proverbial fire under my ass. That factor isn't likely to come any time soon in this scenario. I have to do it to be in and enjoy the present moment. That just doesn't seem practical and there's always something else that NEEDS to be done instead. 

This adulting business is for the birds. I've put a couple things into action, such as the diet and a work out plan. Let's just hope it lasts. I'm hoping it's the start of the "maybe somedays" being todays. I'm tired of saying maybe some day I won't be fat. 

Oh and here is where I'll try to take my own advice. There's a lot of power in language. Saying I'm hoping doesn't lend itself to much action. So here, I'll say I'm going make this diet, no lifestyle change, last and get to a healthy weight. It will be the first of many things of the maybe someday list that become todays. 

That's enough of that shit for one night.